everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize