You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
