you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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