So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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