come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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