Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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