you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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