I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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