I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
