I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
