I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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