I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
