You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
