in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
