I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
