I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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