I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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