I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am midnight drunk by noon
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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