I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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