A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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