When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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