My friends, they love my intelligence
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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