Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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