Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
