I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
