i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
