I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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