...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
