i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
