I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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