Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
