Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
