I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
