Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
