I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
