Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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