just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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