So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
