and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
