There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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