mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
