My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
