Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
