Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
