I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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