i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
