i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
