Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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