babies were throwing up all over the place
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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