Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
