well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
