Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
