shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
