So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you never un-have a 4some
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
