You're completely useless in the revolution.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
