the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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