I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
