he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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