I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
