I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
