winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
