When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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