dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
