I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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