gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
