Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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