**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you had me at cake vodka
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
