um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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