Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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