R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
