im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
