and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
