The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
