..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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