he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She announced her abortion via fbk
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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