u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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