I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
