Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
