That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
