she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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