Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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