theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
