I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
