dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
