i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
