If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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