...so i touched it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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