wat bout pragnant strippers??
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize